Saturday, May 28, 2005

Email: Finding one's soul [SD]

You do need to be happy on your own before you can be truly happy in a relationship. Read M. Scott Peck about how (and this is me putting words in his mouth) the happiness of being together is like an ice cube placed in water: It's refreshing, but it melts. We open up to receive a loved one into our day, but true (permanent) personal growth occurs before or in parallel to the relationship. To make another (crude) metaphor, it isn't consuming a tasty meal that makes us grow -- though it satisfies our appetite. Our [physical] process of assimilation and growth occurs separately and on its own. So also with our soul[, separate from the input of verbal and emotional intimacy].

In a word, you need to "have a life" -- personal goals and pleasures outside of your responsibilities (work and family). In the end, we stand alone before God, so what we will have to say for ourselves? What did we do with our lives? Yes, it's good to sacrifice and serve family and others; but most people are not called to sacrifice everything and be left with nothing. It's even more tragic when it happens without even being aware of the problem.

Read Richard Nelson Bolles' What Color Is Your Parachute? because it lets you narrow down what things in your life that you're good at or have enjoyed or are interested in -- which also may indicate where your gifts, and inner joys, lie. It takes time and is ideally a lifelong process, but you'll begin to discover the unique God-given qualities that make you, you. Just remember Julia Roberts in The Runaway Bride, trying all those different kinds of eggs she'd made just so she could discover what kind of eggs *she* (not, as always before, her affianced) liked best.

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