Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Email: The examined life [SD]

I am not saying you have "totally made a mess of things" so please don't conclude that for yourself. My point is always that it takes two people to make a relationship (whether platonic or romantic); so I acknowledged my part in the misunderstanding, and I think you are doing the same for your part. However, I don't feel right in accepting a total apology or a misplaced one! I offered my suspicions for "what is really going on" here, and you are free to accept or reject any surmise I make. (Do you agree or disagree?) Yes, it is true that other people have told you stories in the past, but this is not the past; of course, I am not those people; in fact, you are (or can be) a different person today than you were before. (You have no idea how many times I find myself repeating the gist of that last sentence to divorced people; it seems like once a day -- sometimes to the same person for days on end!)

I am not sure why people are so surprised when they find out that, in general, I am how I say I am. How many times have I told you I am patient? How many times have I shown you I am patient? I am sad to learn that patience and honesty (among other things) are less common than I believed. Listening skills seem to be quite rare too. Of course you can always ask for clarification; what are friends and communication for? Staying connected is healthy, however, being dependent solely on another is not.

About "major life decisions," you are speaking again in generalities, which over the years I have found not to be very helpful. I have specific things in mind when I use the phrase, and could explain them [another] time. Suffice it to say that I am not letting my life fritter away, unless it is by explaining repeatedly that I am not letting my life fritter away.

Of course I don't mind you writing me. I've said so, and you need to understand that when I say something, I mean it. My only concern is, Do you have so much free time as to write me all these pages per day? I find in general that the rest of life is more important than writing emails. It is up to you to manage your time, however -- as it is up to me to manage mine.

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