Books: The Highly Sensitive Person in Love

The Highly Sensitive Person in Love - Dr. Elaine Aron: "The single largest reason for this genetic effect is not a 'divorce gene,' I'm certain. (To say something is genetically determined doesn't clarify much--wearing skirts or owning a rifle is almost totally 'genetically determined,' thanks to the genes for gender plus a lot of cultural moderators.) Genetics enter into marriage because of the way that certain inherited temperaments cause trouble in relationships. They cause trouble only because most of us are totally ignorant about the reality of the drastic differences that can exist among nervous systems. But with the right guidance, the many 'mismatches' in this world can have the most fulfilling relationships of all.

[...]HSPs have nervous systems that pick up more on subtleties in the world and reflect on them deeply. That means, for starters, that they will tend to demand more depth in their relationships in order to be satisfied; see more threatening consequences in their partners' flaws or behaviors; reflect more and, if the signs indicate it, worry about how things are going.

Because HSPs are picking up on so much, they are also more prone to overstimulation, quicker to feel stress--including the stimulation and stress that can arise in any intense, intimate interactions. They need more down time, which can cause a partner to feel left out. They find different things enjoyable compared to others.

[...] Women love to be friends with male HSPs, but want to date and marry non-HSPs. One goal of The Highly Sensitive Person in Love is to help HSP women realize their mistake and HSP men to feel less to blame for their situation.

Another goal is to explore the different ways that HSPs and sensation seekers approach intimacy. HSPs are naturally cautious and reflective before committing. They also have good reason to fear being rejected for being "too sensitive" or overwhelmed by another's needs. Sensation seekers also fear commitment, for quite different reasons--the loss of variety, the fear of boredom."