Weblogs: Snark in explicate

jessica coen dotcom: "As 'the face of snark incarnate,' I have a sense of moral obligation to address the issue of how and why what sorts of snarky items work. Specifically, I'd love to offer some pointers to P6 and the gang, who really wasted some primo space by failing to explicate their item on me. As such, a quick lesson, for the good of humanity, in Snark:

• Thesaurus.com is my top bookmark, and I suggest you make it the same on your browser. Then you needn't use words like 'snarky' over and over again. Say I'm contemptous, irritable, cranky, cocky, insolent, sneering. Call me a dimwitted bitch, for all I care. Just don't use 'snark' twice in the same item.

• If you're going to mention that I'm unknown outside of the 'blogosphere' and also insult said circle, you might want to explain why you know who I am and are bothering to write about me. Be self-effacing and self-deprecating. For example, I'd edit as such: 'Unknown outside the dork-infested waters of the Blogosphere [(which we, in only our loneliest hours, are admittedly familiar with)], her name is Jessica Coen...' See? That works, acknowledges why I'm in your column and still manages to poke at my ego.

• Your main point of contention should be easy for everyone to spot. Pick something universal: I am human typo machine; I'm functionally illiterate; I do very little original reporting. These are things to attack, as our shared readers will recognize these issues. Personal pet peeves will just fly over the audience's head, so steer clear of that stuff unless you're willing to divulge every relevant detail. Otherwise, you're spitting nonsensical venom. And venom, when it's nonsensical, leaves us with a nasty case of blueballs."