Press: EPA warns of dangerous levels of romance in air - The Onion

EPA Warns Of Dangerous Levels Of Romance In Air | The Onion - America's Finest News Source: "WASHINGTON, DC—Responding to a dramatic increase in cases of starry-eyed gazing and spontaneous poetry, the Environmental Protection Agency issued a general health warning Tuesday for hazardous levels of atmospheric romance across the entire North American continent.

'Early indications of romantic exposure include a flushing of the skin around the face, neck, and chest, accelerated heartbeat, rapid eyelash batting, and sighs,' EPA administrator Steven Johnson said at a morning press conference. 'Left untreated, the ailment progresses rapidly, leading to aimless strolls, floral purchases, and a form of acute and regressive aphasia in which the victim's speech degenerates into that of a young child.'"