Email: Wheat from chaff [TD]

It's normal to want intimacy so much! If we weren't made that way, the human race might have died out. ;-} Physical intimacy (sex) is a wonderful thing; what's hard is choosing the right partner -- one who is capable of emotional intimacy (love). These two come together in, as you say, a committed relationship. Now, commitment comes in various sizes: minute by minute, day by day, month by month, year by year, and the economy lifetime size. You want to avoid those smaller sizes, because they often cost more per unit than they're worth.

Please don't be hard on yourself. You're not the first woman to encounter "unforeseen" situations. You're doing exactly the right thing: recognize you have "blind" spots, search your soul, and pray. However, I think you'd also benefit from speaking about such things with a few trusted friends (female, plus a male if you can manage it). We can all make fewer mistakes of our own if we learn from others' experience as well as their counsel.

The answer isn't to stop dating or looking for a good relationship. The answer is to get smarter about sifting the wheat from the chaff (as opposed to the chaff from the wheat). It's normal to make mistakes; no one is perfect. All the Lord wants is for us to follow our conscience, and to learn lessons from our mistakes (which are not to be confused with sins).

I think you express it perfectly when you say that a man should make deposits into your heart, not just make withdrawals. In other words, he should be more "into you" than into himself. (That's what love is.) You are right to value your heart and not to lend it to anyone who wants to borrow it, then treat it shoddily. It's my observation that women who follow this principle, find happy and fulfilling relationships, whereas those who do not, invite and often encounter tragedy at every step.