Email: The appeal of confidence [EH]

There are many reasons why people have self-esteem or confidence and these have to do with being loved and accepted as children (affirmation), being socially fit and at least minimally accomplished as youths (mastery or confirmation), and being realistic and attentive as adults (success or fulfillment).

Men and women prefer a "self-directed" mate who "knows what he/she wants" and what it takes to get it. People tend to be more successful when they have a vested self-interest and [they] will do whatever it takes to get what they want; anyone else with a less focused or realistic approach will fall to the bottom of the food chain. Women want "manly men" with chiseled chins and a craggy manner (i.e., control of every situation), not sensitive poetic types. Men want scoopy plush pillows (not oversized) if not a model Barbie trophy on their arms, not their intellectual equal (or superior). This does not mean every man or woman wants these things, only the vast majority; put clinically, they respond to these stimuli. In short, assertiveness is sexy -- except to persons with low self-esteem.