Email: To be or not to be (picky) [LC]

You and I have pursued the "noble ideals" of our respective professions -- social work and journalism -- yet overlooked the financial self-interest that others would not do without. So now we find ourselves aware of working harder than others who have personally benefited to a greater degree over the years. Being so dedicated to our work also has left our personal lives a tad lopsided. It is not "selfish" to look out for our selves -- at least on the basis that everyone else does (healthy remuneration and recreation). Most people do carry loans on house and car, so having those paid up is more a personal preference than financial requirement; but we all choose our own goals. Retirement is a wise thing esp. at our stage in life. Balancing financial goals with personal goals is quite a challenge, huh? I guess responsibilities always come first though, followed by preferences. True? Providing for our needs (and those of our family) comes before pursuing our dreams -- when it has to be an either/or (not both) decision.

There is nothing wrong with having high standards for a relationship. In fact, I would say it is for the best. It is being pickier than "the unwashed masses," but when you consider the comparison, none "too picky" at all! I want something unique, real and lasting too. It is there for you eventually -- no need to kiss every frog to find a prince. In time, you will meet someone whose "royal" qualities resonate with yours.

Others may immerse themselves in work because they do not have a personal life, but it is OK for you to use it as a buffer against getting involved too fast in a relationship, esp. one that would not meet your goals in the long run. I think instead of pinning high hopes on finding a relationship for the mere sake of having a relationship, it is healthier to follow the dictum "Cream always rises to the top": When the right person appears, he [or she] may stand head and shoulders above the rest. We are sometimes uncertain whether "the real thing" exists in love; but I think if it appears when we are not looking that hard for it, we will know it when we see it. (I have always thought that "not looking" was too passive to find a successful love relationship; but now I realize that a "healthy indifference" enables a freer and wiser choice, when it presents itself -- which we cannot make it do.)

It would be interesting to know what you are willing to do (and what not) to find that love of your life! (Being "obtuse" works when you're still figuring out the details.)