Email: The examined life [SD]

Of course I am hoping to find someone compatible. One thing is, I don't know if I should seek an equal partner or an equivalent partner. (Certainly, I have met and will meet women who are smarter, more intuitive and better gifted in any of a number of ways; and we all have weaknesses that a partner may complement with a strength. This is seeking an equivalent partner. An equal partner is more of an attitude or approach; for example, "All men are created equal." You would be amazed, however, at how many women want a shining knight to rescue them -- which I can do, on occasion -- instead of an equal partner -- no matter what they say.) Another thing is, I am still learning key things about myself, which affects who is most compatible with me. (The road map is not only blurry at times, but a moving target.) A final thing is, we never know whether someone is compatible immediately; it takes time to get to know a person in order to make a life-changing decision.

I don't know why the woman's desires often challenge the man's reality; if I did, John Gray and the rest would be out of business. I suspect it boils down to women having one perspective and men having another, and every person wants what they want (instead of truly listening to their partner's needs and being patient when necessary). I propose that no partner should be able to criticize the other's decisions without offering a workable alternative! Compromise also helps, but only when it is a two-way street. I will say that for the most part, women's perspective is more clear and true than men's, because women understand relationships much better as a rule. In other words, there are better reasons for patience than promiscuity ("sport f---ing"); communication than reticence (strategic silence); and risk-taking than control (agenda-setting).

Listen, I spent 30 years in a community called Servants of the Lord; I know all about servant theology! This is why I prefer to rely on practicality now instead of fundamentalists' rigid roleplaying. I feel I am being flexible and spontaneous in responding to the leading of the Lord. It is easy for me to let go [of a rut], because it is written in my bones!