Monday, May 30, 2005

Musings: Good memory is a gift

It is funny how a person who tends to remember everything, will be told by a person who does not remember as much: "You remember too much" or "You remember the most unimportant things" or "I have more important things to remember." The person who remembers almost everything is not trying to do so! It just happens. Furthermore, wherever two people speak, one person will always have a better memory than the other; why fault the person with the better memory, and imply that deference should be given the person with the lesser memory? The problem is that those who remember less, tend to feel insecure in comparison -- but only because they were generally insecure in the first place, and are making such comparisons themselves. The person with better memory is ideally only interested in the truth, not in pushing an agenda or controlling an outcome; such are the stratagems of insecurity, not confidence or cooperation.

I say all this not so much with my own experience in mind, but the experience of women with men in general. Women will remember what each person in a gathering wore, on any given day, for years after the event -- while men may be lucky to remember what color the person closest to them was wearing yesterday. (Many other examples may be found.) Yet some men belittle women for remembering "too much." Where, pray tell, is that dividing line, and who is qualified to set it?

Let us all appreciate the persons who have fuller memories, experiences and ideally therefore celebrations of life. Let the fuller life be the standard, not the lesser. It is so with manners, it is so with fashion, it is so with art. Let those with fuller sensibilities judge self and others, yet keep silent about it; let those with lesser sensibilities (which they will perceive, if they will admit it to themselves) not try to drag down a gift through criticisms that do not ring true.

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