Saturday, December 24, 2005

Weather: A perfect Christmas Eve Day

I've been up since 5:30 am and the day before Christmas has become a glorious day in Houston. Clear blue skies (after scruffy low clouds earlier this morning), 62 degrees, and a scattering of autumn leaves across the lawn.

I can't imagine more perfect pre-Christmas weather -- unless it were clear, snowy, and 10 degrees (nippy enough to make your nose hairs freeze when you step outside). But not in Houston.

Peeves: Underwear thieves

It's underwear thieves, definitely. I'm down to six pairs total, including just two from a recently added five-pack that would make even Austin Powers look sexy.

I hesitate to even mention it, because we know how much terrorists and underwear thieves covet Internet publicity.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Neologisms: laverdure

A color somewhere between lavender, verdant green, and azure.

Neologisms: palocine

N., adj. Groundbreaking, top-grossing or blockbuster movie; so far ahead you can't touch it with a ten foot stick.

Email: Support

What is this scummy thing you're doing now?

I get an email "from" someone who wrote me a year ago. The email (on your letterhead) asks for my "help" in checking out something new. The link brings up a page (on your letterhead) asking for my Hotmail address and password?! so you can tell others about your service. It sounds like you've duped others with your little ploy.

What are you folks trying to do? Skim everybody's address books so you can send spam in their names? Isn't that more devious than a virus? (You put new life in the term "viral marketing.") Aren't you folks more repulsive than a puddle of warm spit?

TV: Numb3rs

Numb3rs airs Friday, 9 pm CST: "Inspired by actual cases and experiences, Numb3rs depicts the confluence of police work and mathematics in solving crime. An FBI agent recruits his mathematical genius brother to help solve a wide range of challenging crimes in Los Angeles from a very distinctive perspective."

Email: Support

Quit with all the pornographic photos in Hotmail ads and on your home page. It's bad enough [as a non-member that] I have to endure lurid, nearly nude women on my corporate computer screen [while checking my Hotmail], but the images of women [who] seem to be either posing for Playboy or couples who have just finished a round of hot steamy sex only paint one message for what your service is about, and it isn't online dating -- it's online pimping.

Holidays: My Christmas gift to the world

I am not going to share the Chewbacca-sings-Silent-Night link that someone just sent me.

Lord save us from computer users with too much time on their hands...!

I will, on the other hand, share this smooth-jazz version of Santa-sings-White-Christmas, produced by the Reuters bureau in Hungary.

Neologisms: mudge, mudgy

An event that is obnoxious or exasperating in a seemingly minor way that nevertheless swells in number and accumulates -- like a midge cloud or a mudslide -- until it overwhelms an individual or pushes one (physically or psychologically) "over the edge."

Peeves: MS-NBC theme music

My background is in journalism, so I am a bigger fan than most of news programs' staccato, driving theme music. However, such themes have become a bit more obnoxious lately by blending in flashes of cell-phone ring tones. In particular, MS-NBC gives me pause every time the station switches to commercials, because their theme music incorporates my own (standard T-Mobile) ring tone. MS-NBC is probably my favorite cable news station, but I am always jumping to wonder, "Is that my cell phone ringing...?" Exasperating (in the minor, mudgy ways that add up in modern life)!

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Poetry: Lute Music - Kenneth Rexroth

(via The Writer's Almanac)

Lute Music

Here at the year's end, at the feast
Of birth, let us bring to each other
The gifts brought once west through deserts--
The precious metal of our mingled hair,
The frankincense of enraptured arms and legs,
The myrrh of desperate, invincible kisses--
Let us celebrate the daily
Recurrent nativity of love [...]

by Kenneth Rexroth from Sacramental Acts. © Copper Canyon Press.

Academe: Evaluation of low resistivity pay in carbonates

Somehow I think an academic paper with this title (though about the petrochemical industry) could be applied to the arena of sexual politics, if the debate reached low enough:

Evaluation of Low Resistivity Pay in Carbonates

What do you think?

Prostitutes as Carbon-Based Life Forms
The Economies of Dating: More Bang for the Buck
Carbonics: Linguistic and Economic Dynamics of Lower-Class Carbon-Based Life Forms
The Low-Carb Diet and the Low-Diet Carb

Any more suggestions?

Words: disport, sport [MW]

Main Entry: disport
Function: verb
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French desporter, from des- dis- + porter to carry, from Latin portare -- more at FARE
transitive senses
intransitive senses : to amuse oneself in light or lively fashion : FROLIC
- dis·port·ment noun

Main Entry: sport
Pronunciation: 'spOrt, 'sport
Function: verb
Etymology: Middle English, to divert, disport, short for disporten

Proverbs: We all learn more when we're all not the same

Email: Finger fools [JS]

[After seeing your name misspelled, n]ow my fingers tried to spell your name as Jeniffer. ;-) (They're getting easier to fool than the rest of me.)

Press: We are Unitarian Jihad

(via San Francisco Chronicle) "We are Unitarian Jihad. We will appear in public places and require people to shake hands with each other. (Sister Hand Grenade of Love suggested that we institute a terror regime of mandatory hugging, but her motion was not formally introduced because of lack of a quorum.) We will require all lobbyists, spokesmen and campaign managers to dress like trout in public. Televangelists will be forced to take jobs as Xerox repair specialists. Demagogues of all stripes will be required to read Proust out loud in prisons.

We are Unitarian Jihad, and our motto is: "Sincerity is not enough." We have heard from enough sincere people to last a lifetime already. Just because you believe it's true doesn't make it true. Just because your motives are pure doesn't mean you are not doing harm. Get a dog, or comfort someone in a nursing home, or just feed the birds in the park. Play basketball. Lighten up. The world is not out to get you, except in the sense that the world is out to get everyone. [...]

People of the United States! We are Unitarian Jihad! We can strike without warning. Pockets of reasonableness and harmony will appear as if from nowhere! Nice people will run the government again! There will be coffee and cookies in the Gandhi Room after the revolution."

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Lyrics: Walkin' 'Round in Women's Underwear

(The Bob Rivers Show on KZOK has produced quite a repertoire of twisted spinoffs on Christmas tunes. Disclaimer: Twerpette does not encourage or condone such behavior.)

Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear
(sung to "Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland")

Lacy things -- the wife is missin',
Didn't ask -- her permission,
I'm wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

In the store -- there's a teddy,
Little straps -- like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

In the office there's a guy named Melvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He'll say, "Are you ready?" I'll say,"Whoa, Man!"
"Let's wait until our wives are out of town!"

Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress -- like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!

Lacy things... missin',
Didn't ask... permission,
Wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!

Musings: Where's a good caffeine IV when you want one?

Even so, I'm partial to partaking of my caffeine orally -- by coffee or chocolate; not so much Coke (too much sugar and carbonic acid). In the '90s, when I thought coffee was being too hard on my stomach, I'd spell it (give it a break) by munching on chocolate-covered coffee beans and sipping water -- sort of a cold-brewed caffeine.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Weblogs: Rice on Meet The Press

John Robb's Weblog: "Based on the non-response of Rice to Tim Russert on the question of what authority the US President based his decision to wire tap Americans, it seems to me that the President violated the law. Expediency is not an excuse or a basis for authority to violate the Constitution.

Bush spoke about this today too: He defended the surveillance plan as legal, saying his authority to approve it came from his constitutional powers as commander in chief. What the heck is this?"

Monday, December 19, 2005

Words: vug, vuggy [MW]

Main Entry: vug
Pronunciation: v&g
Function: noun
Etymology: Cornish dialect vooga underground chamber, from Latin fovea small pit
: a small unfilled cavity in a lode or in rock
- vug·gy /'v&-gE/ adjective

Academe: Wintergreen candy and other triboluminescent materials explains triboluminescence and Lewis Kozlosky provides a photo.

Proverbs: Have cocoa, will chill.

Proverbs: Just because you're certain doesn't mean you're right.

Proverbs: Have laptop and DVD, will travel.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Humor: "Hey, Mikey! She likes it!"

(This riff on a cereal commercial could sound weird in a spot for almost anything else -- not to mention something slinky, like lingerie.)